Together At Last!
You'd better be here, fam, because this stuff's for you!! Some past inside jokes and fun emails have been included here for your viewing pleasure. Love ya!
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An April 2000 email... Nope-- no time to clean it up for the web, so it's for your eyes only!
You know how you get 10 different answers to the same question that you ask 10 different people?
My fertile imagination came up with these answers to
this age old question: How can I get my family to be more consistent with e-mail?
Longing for Contact in Cyber Space
From Miss Manners:
Dear Gentle Person,
Miss Manners does not pretend to understand this fascination with electronic mail. She much prefers the long lost art of hand addressed, wax sealed, perfumed notes and invitations which seem to have all but disappeared today, much like the
gentle giants that roamed the earth so many millions of years ago. Perhaps your loved ones would be more inclined to correspond with you if you sent them a request via postal service on papyrus paper written in calligraphic script. A timeless treasure for all involved.
Miss Manners
From Ann Landers:
Dear Longing:
I have checked with Bill Gates, who is apparently some sort of expert in the field of computers, although I can't imagine that he's very successful given his bowl haircut and somewhat out of date eyeglass frames.
His advice, which I am paraphrasing: wake up and smell the ink jet print cartridge! Get these posturing poodles out of your noodle and set up your own chat room (whatever that is). You'll make new friends in no time, and may even get to know that lovely Dot Com who is so active in Internet activities.
Good luck and let me know how it works out for you, Dear.
From Dr. Laura:
Dear Loser, I mean Longing,
Get a life! Your family apparently has, and obviously it doesn't include you. If you are sitting around in front of a monitor and empty e-mail box all day, you need more help than I can give you (Oy, these iiiidiots that call my
talkshow are getting on my nerves)! Join a support group, get a pet, do volunteer work, but get off your self-pitying duff and take charge of your life. What a wimp! No wonder your family avoids you like the plague! Now, go take on the day--and don't bother me again!
From Heloise:
Dear Longing,
This is a little out of my range, but here is the best advice I can offer: a little vinegar will lift that melted wax right off of that coffee table surface, and a big Heloise hug for all your efforts at recycling!
Well, I hope this inspires you all to send a family letter soon.
Love and miss you,
Patty
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