Suelene's Eggspert Advice
Big Country Welcome!
problums? Don't y'all worry, cuz SUELENE'S here!
here photo wuz takn in my offis. Crabby (of "Dear Crabby" fame) told me not to put my pitcher up here, do
to stalkers'n'such, so I'm trustin' y'all to exersize sum self cuntrol, got it?
Else I'll send my killer rooster out to yer place, and y'all are gonna wish ya
hadn't oughta stalked ol' SUELENE. Take that as the rooster-peckin' thret that it is.
git on with the dispensin' of advice!!
Ahm a ritin' tuday
on acownt a Ah gots me in wun heck uv a pikul. Mah gurlfrend,
weel cawl hur DonnaJo on acownt uf Ah dont want no wun to no Ahm tawkin
bout mah reel gurlfrend BubbaSue Pickens (thay cawl her BubbaSue Pickens
on acownt uf thats hur reel name whut she was borned with). Anyways,mah gurlfrend DonnaJo (thats BubbaSue
Pickens fer reel) has becum a edukashun snob. She will only
date boys with a fifth grade diploma evun tho she knows durn well Ah caint
git past thurd grade since mah unforchunit "chicken in the
combine" axident uv 1990. I truly luv this gurl
DonnaJo (thats Bubba Sue Pickens fer reel) and think its unfare that she
won't evun giv me-- her cuzin Stucky Pickens (thats me fer reel)-- a chans.
How kin Ah chainj hur mind bout me (Stucky
Pickens fer reel)?
Signd: Anonemus (on acownt uf Ah dont wancha ta knowed hoo Ah is, Stucky
Pickens fer reel)
Deer Stucky (I'd no
you anywair, you iddyut),
Yer dummer then durt and twise as ugly. No gurl on God's green urth
is gonna date a turky what gots a plate
in his haid from playing blinds mans bluff
with a chikun in a corn field whilst hiz pappy dun be plowin with two
glass eyes and a hook fer a hand (Whut
is WITH yer family and all them unforchunate
farm equipment axidents?)Anyhoose,aint no way BubbaSue gon date
you so give it up and find yerself whut
us edjacated people call a contemporary.
Try the yeller pajes,Stucky (I mean Anonemus).
Look under "blonds".
Huhuhuhuhuh! Thats a goodun! Ah
crack mahself up!
enuf advice dispensin' fer wun day! I got chores to do, dadgummit! Chek back,
y'all! Thairs lots mor good advice whair this come from. But don't you
stalkers be comin' back just to gaze at my pitcher! Lessun y'all gots some
money and a fancy condo and automobeel, that is. ---
yer not gun beleve this--Stucky jest writ anuthr letter. Click
here if'n y'all
wanna read more o' his drivl! I swair if'n he had wun thurd of a brane he'd be
dangerus. Axshully, he IS dangerus, speshly 'round farm ekwipment!
Call 333-3333 (in a emerjensy, that is. Not fer a date er nuthin like
fergit to thank "Dear Crabby", mah
scarry cuzin, fer her patiens and gydanse in learnin' me to be a hillbillys
advice colum writter, and fer the link from her page (evn thow I had to PAY fer that). Did I menshun she's my OLDER cuzin? Huhuhuhuhuh! Thats a goodun! Ah
crack mahself up!
picture posted here so's y'all don't haf ta skroll back up to gaze at it. (Kunvenient
feetcher, dontcha agree?) It's just like me to be cunsiderit of my fellow MAN. (Married er not)
and anuther thang...Miss Patty done wrote this with me, and we need y'all to no it's copyright
she wants y'all to sign her danged guest book alreddy!
Do I have to send my
killer rooster over thair, er WHUT?
This here page wuz put on
this here web site 5/29/2000.
Why dont y'all share it with