Madame Patricia's Online Psychic Predictions
Now, good things come to those who wait! So cool your jets and the predictions will come! Don't rush me!! I need good, clear vibes in order to do my work. Shhhh! I'm thinking! Keep checking back for more predictions, to be added as they come to me!
Oh, here we go! The vibrations, the vibrations, the... predictions...for spring and early summer.............................................
May 1 Geritol sponsors Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones on world tour. Mick breaks his hip when he trips over his walker while strutting to "What a Drag It Is Getting Old".
May 11 Due to the crime rate in Miami, the area code there is changed to 911.
May 21 Disney lobbies to give life-long financial support to the world's newest septuplets if their parents will allow Disney to name them. The parents of Aladdin, Belle, Cinderella, Mowgli, Hercules, Quasimodo, and Fantasia happily agree.
May 29 Rolling Stones continue their "Steel Prostates" World Tour, sponsored by Geritol and Depends undergarments.
June 1 Elizabeth Taylor weds Don King in Las Vegas with an Elvis look-alike officiating. The ceremony is delayed when Don can't fit his hair through the chapel door.
June 2 King/Taylor honeymoon postponed when Don King's hair sets off the alarm in the airport metal detector fourteen times.
June 3 Elizabeth Taylor files for divorce from Don King, citing "irreconcilable hair differences".
June 15 Patty Eggertsson writes a best-selling novel entitled "The Divine Secrets of the Yoohoo Sisterhood" about a group of friends who gather together to dish and drink their favorite chocolate flavored soft drink. (Yoohoo-- get it? Do I have to explain everything?)
June 30 The Couture Channel debuts what they hope will be a new hit show: "Who Wants to Be a Milliner?" The answer is almost nobody, except the Maharaji Haji BoBaji, who uses the show to try to single-handedly bring back the turban. The show is canceled after one episode.
I predict that those visitors who have not yet signed my guest book (God knows why-- how hard is THAT?) will feel a strong compulsion to sign it right NOW!
By Patty Eggertsson (A.K.A. Mme. Patricia) Copyright 2000
This page was added 4/28/2000 (You want more content, you say?! It's coming, it's coming! PuhLEEEEEZE, people! Work with me here! Be quiet, already, or you'll scare away the spirits... the crystal is going dark... check back later!)