Patricia's Predictions for 1998
DOES she do it?????
Patty-- oops-- I mean Madame Patricia
-- first mailed us her legendary predictions for the year on January 1st,
1998. We insisted that she send them again in 1999, and I'm sure we'll
pester her for them again in the new millennium!! Enjoy reading these yet
Date: Thu, 1 Jan 1998 09:41:11
Subject: 1998 Predictions by
Happy New Year! Here are a few predictions by our resident
psychic-- to let you know what to expect in 1998.
1 First Dog Buddy's name is changed to Buffy when
he bumps Hilary out of
the west wing arm chair for the third time in one day. First
Cat Socks smirks
4 Ann S. Heroman loses her glasses--el nino blamed.
9 Wes Heroman's birthday ; he gets bombarded by
birthday cards via e-mail
which overloads the University computer system. Classes suspended
days. Wes becomes BMOC.
15 SJA's birthday; Pope John Paul II forgets to send
a card-- el nino
20 Amy Eggertsson's birthday-- Elton John writes touching
song, "Angel in
the Wind" ; brings everyone who hears it to tears.
22 Corey's 8th birthday-- he is ecstatic over presents
which were actually
Christmas gifts that his mother had hidden so well that she couldn't
in time for Christmas. Crisis averted.
4 Guy's 40th Birthday-- he plans to
hike to the top of a mountain then
remembers that FL is flat. El nino blamed.
15 Palm Beach County Public School students
go on strike to protest
having to actually attend school for 5 days in a row ; ACLU on hand.
28 Sharks sighted on Lake Worth Beach--wait
a minute, that's just greedy
tobacco fighting litigators--Sorry!
9 Jay Reale's birthday--Wife
hides a dog in the attic aided and abetted
by her pet-loving brother Tim. Sister Patty complains " It's
deja vu all over again!"
25 Rosie and Mary Gnandt buy condo
in Boca Raton. El nino blamed.
1 Rob Heroman's birthday; hits
a grandslam in his baseball game. Elton
John writes a poignant song, " Baseball in the Wind" which has the
15 Tax Day-- IRS hires public relations
maven Claudia "LaLa" Kerr to
clean up their image.Pet chihuahua Gina Kerr passes out at press
when she spots First Dog Buffy in the crowd.
26 Mary and Rosie fight with their
neighbors over a ball that rolled
yard. "Who belongs to this ball?"
3 Danny and Debbie's birthday--
Postal services mix up birthday cards
and send Danny a card from Nancy Shum with a shrunken head
on it ; Debbie gets one
from Johnny Gerbasi with a joke about appliance workers who
wear their pants
too low. Tom Smith investigates.
18 Kyle H. graduates from High school.
Elton John writes a touching song
called " Diploma in the Wind" which brings commencement exercises
to a tearful
24 Joseph R.'s 8th birthday.
He celebrates by going to Dairy Queen,
which he pays for with a 15 cent gift certificate he got from Uncle
Somethings are more predictable than others.
Well, we're almost 1/2 way through the year so I'll stop here to
eyes a rest. Will send more predictions later.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back online: more 1998 predictions!
1 Patty E's 40th birthday--her
mother sends her a birthday card that
actually arrives on time. El nino blamed.
6 John Makus is caught on videotape
winging Ginger through the air.
Elton John writes an emotional tribute, "Daschound in the Wind",
all who knew her up.
18 Ann and Don H. celebrate their
22nd Anniversary with a gala affair
held at Rustic restaurant in Rocky River. Brother Tim takes
pictures for the Plain
Dealer Society pages.
4 Brian Gabel falls on the Rogers'
dog while running with a sparkler and
sets her on fire at the Hawkins Rd July 4th block party. Mrs. Rogers
sadly, "We didn't know that when we named her Sparkle how fitting
would turn out to be."
17 Ann H.'s 45th birthday-- Don takes her on a
whirlwind tour of Atlanta
with Ted and Jane Fonda as guides. Ann gets her glasses tangled
in Jane's hair
at a Braves game, and accidently spills beer on Ted while blindly
18 Smith family reunion at Beech Mountain. Fred
raises prices at the
Mercantile.. El nino blamed.
23 Sylvia and Golda Swinklestein have a falling
out before their annual
revue at the reunion, over who gets to wear the purple sequinned
feather boa. Golda
relents when Syl promises to let her wear the Barbra Streisand costume
30 Tim S.'s birthday--after months of hinting
that he wants the new
Scottie Pippin NIKEs,the joke is on him when Megan wraps up a fake
foot and puts it in a NIKE box. When Tim comes to, he enjoys
a piece of
devil's food cake with a fake fly in it. Family members agree that
honeymoon is over for this young, impish couple.
31 Megan S.'s birthday--she refuses to open any
of her gifts until she can
take them to Cleveland Hopkins Airport and have them x-rayed. After
Tim for questioning for 4 hours, Airport Security finally lets Tim
with the direct order to GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!
6 Don H.'s birthday-- Ann hosts a
surprise party for 200 of their
closest friends and relatives but forgets to invite the guests.
takeout and make it a Blockbuster Night.
19 Kyle H. beats Tiger Woods in a Skins
match. Thousands of kids around
the country begin chanting, "I am Kyle Heroman."
31 Caiti S.'s birthday-- poor little thing
is scared to open her present
after her father receives a delivery from Toussaud's Wax Museum.
complains to Megan, "Why did you have to teach her to read?"
OK, this is it until next year, unless a wave of psychic images wash
before then.--Madame Patricia
7 Jeanna R.'s 13th birthday-- Brother Joseph hides
a dog in the attic
but things go terribly awry when the little rascal chews up
insulation. After extensive vet bills, the little pup is named Pepcid
goes by Pepi, for short.
21 Geritol sponsors Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones on a
Mick breaks his hip when he trips over his walker while strutting
to "What a Drag
it is Getting Old". Tour is postponed for 6 weeks due to grueling
29 Mary and Rosie Gnandt, having found it hard
to get along with
move to a condo in Delray Beach.
2 Tom S.'s birthday-- Receives a mysterious
package from brother Tim;
FBI opens it up to find a UPS uniform inside. "What a sick
joke", gripes Tom.
3 Tom Smith named PostMaster General
after proposing Post Office issue
"Gilligan's Island" commemorative stamp series.
11 Due to the crime rate in Miami, the area
code there is changed to
23 Detroit Tigers win the World Series; el
30 Don Heroman named acting President of
Notre Dame when Father Molloy
is transferred to Haiti after a bad endowment year. Son Wes transfers
1 Disney lobbies to give life-long financial
support to the Iowa
Septuplets if their parents will allow Disney to name them. The
Alladin, Belle, Cinderella,
Mowgli, Hercules, Quasimodo and Fantasia happily agree.
7 Rolling Stones continue their "Steel
Prostates" World tour, sponsored
by Geritol and Depends undergarments.
17 Mary and Rosie Gnandt have a run in with
the Condo board when they
adamantly insist that their beloved Sandy, whom they had stuffed
passed on 20 years ago, be allowed to stand outside their front
18 Mary and Rosie Gnandt move to West Palm Beach
to a condo that allows
22 Bette Smith's birthday--husband Don surprises
her with a multihead VCR
so she can record CNN, McNeil Lehrer hour and MSNBC simultaneously.
THAT'S Must-See TV!" Bette exults.
23 Ryan Smith's first birthday--celebrates with
cake and ice cream, a soft
blankie and a big smile. Tim takes pictures for his family website.
24 Don Smith's Birthday--meets good friend Jack
Giannoni in a chat room on
the internet and contentedly spends the day playing cribbage. Ah,
1 Elizabeth Taylor weds Don King
in Las Vegas with an Elvis Look-alike
officiating. The ceremony is delayed when Don can't fit his hair
2 King/Taylor honeymoon postponed when
Don King's hair sets off the
alarm in the airport metal detector 14 times.
3 Elizabeth Taylor files for divorce
from Don King citing
"Irreconcilable Hair Differences".
10 Geoff Smith's birthday-- Tom hosts a hockey
theme party and invites
Mario Lemieux, Eric Lindros and Wayne Gretzky. Melee results when
Lindros pushes Lemieux into the dining
room wall when the cake is served. On the way to the
cage (Geoff's room) Lindros grumbles, "It was just a check, Man!"
12 Wes dates first daughter Chelsea Clinton.
17 Patty E. receives a lotto ticket in leiu of
a christmas tip from a PB
19 Patty E. wins $120 million lottery. Puts
in her 30 day notice at the
23 Patty finishes Christmas shopping and sends packages
up north via UPS,
paying thousands of dollars extra to get them there by Christmas.
"Next year I
promise I'll be done shopping by Thanksgiving!" Her kids roll their
28 Kyle H.'s birthday-- Don plans to surprise him with Titanium
Ann gets mixed up and accidently orders Plutonium clubs instead.
After a 10
minute interrogation by the CIA, FBI, and NSF they conclude Ann
made an honest
mistake and help her remember where she parked her car in the parking
29 Little Lauren's birthday-- Tim and Megan throw a small party
of Lauren's closest friends. While smiling at the video camera,
discovered by Michael Eisner, who happens to be visiting next door
for Chanukkah, and is slated to star in the
next Disney non-animated movie.
31 Patty and Guy fly all the Smith's, Heroman's and Reale's
To South Florida
for a New Years Eve Blowout.Wes brings Chelsea Clinton. Everyone
loves it here
so much they all vow to move down here within six months.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
1999 Predictions |||
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