Madame Patricia's Predictions for 1998

How DOES she do it?????
Patty-- oops-- I mean Madame Patricia -- first mailed us her legendary predictions for the year on January 1st, 1998. We insisted that she send them again in 1999, and I'm sure we'll pester her for them again in the new millennium!! Enjoy reading these yet again!

Date: Thu, 1 Jan 1998 09:41:11 EST

Subject: 1998 Predictions by Madame Patricia

  Happy New Year! Here are a few predictions by our resident psycho--I mean
psychic-- to let you know what to expect in 1998.


  1   First Dog Buddy's name is changed to Buffy when he bumps Hilary out of
the west wing arm chair for the third time in one day. First Cat Socks smirks

  4   Ann S. Heroman loses her glasses--el nino blamed.

  9   Wes Heroman's birthday ; he gets bombarded by birthday cards via e-mail
which overloads the University computer system. Classes suspended for   two
days. Wes becomes BMOC.

  15  SJA's birthday; Pope John Paul II forgets to send a card-- el nino

  20  Amy Eggertsson's birthday-- Elton John writes touching song, "Angel in
the Wind" ; brings everyone who hears it to tears.

  22  Corey's 8th birthday-- he is ecstatic over presents which were actually
Christmas gifts that his mother had hidden so well that she couldn't find them
in time for Christmas. Crisis averted.


  4     Guy's 40th Birthday-- he plans to hike to the top of a mountain then
remembers that FL is flat. El nino blamed.

  15    Palm Beach County Public School students go on strike to protest
having to actually attend school for 5 days in a row ; ACLU on hand.

  28    Sharks sighted on Lake Worth Beach--wait a minute, that's just greedy
tobacco fighting litigators--Sorry!

March 1998

  9      Jay Reale's birthday--Wife hides a dog in the attic aided and abetted
by her pet-loving brother Tim. Sister Patty complains " It's deja vu all over again!"

 25     Rosie and Mary Gnandt buy condo in Boca Raton. El nino blamed.

APRIL 1998

  1      Rob Heroman's birthday; hits a grandslam in his baseball game. Elton
John writes a poignant song, " Baseball in the Wind" which has the crowd in

  15    Tax Day-- IRS hires public relations maven Claudia "LaLa" Kerr to
clean up their image.Pet chihuahua Gina Kerr passes out at press conference
when she spots First Dog  Buffy in the crowd.

  26     Mary and Rosie fight with their neighbors over a ball that rolled
into their
yard. "Who belongs to this ball?"

MAY 1998

  3      Danny and Debbie's birthday-- Postal services mix up birthday cards
and send Danny a card from Nancy Shum with a shrunken head on it ; Debbie gets one
from  Johnny Gerbasi with a joke about appliance workers who wear their pants
too low. Tom Smith investigates.

  18     Kyle H. graduates from High school. Elton John writes a touching song
called " Diploma in the Wind" which brings commencement exercises to a tearful

  24      Joseph R.'s 8th birthday. He celebrates by going to Dairy Queen,
which he pays for with a 15 cent gift certificate he got from Uncle Tim.
Somethings are more predictable than others.

Well, we're almost 1/2 way through the year so I'll stop here to give your
eyes a rest. Will send more predictions later.
             Madame Patricia

Just when you thought it was safe to go back online: more 1998 predictions!


     1   Patty E's 40th birthday--her mother sends her a birthday card that
actually arrives on time. El nino blamed.

     6   John Makus is caught on videotape winging Ginger through the air.
Elton John writes an emotional tribute, "Daschound in the Wind",  which tears
all who knew her up.

    18   Ann and Don H. celebrate their 22nd Anniversary with a gala affair
held at Rustic restaurant in Rocky River. Brother Tim takes pictures for the Plain
Dealer Society pages.

JULY 1998

   4    Brian Gabel falls on the Rogers' dog while running with a sparkler and
sets her on fire at the Hawkins Rd July 4th block party. Mrs. Rogers says
sadly, "We didn't know that when we named her Sparkle how fitting that name
would turn out to be."

  17   Ann H.'s 45th birthday-- Don takes her on a whirlwind tour of Atlanta
with Ted and Jane Fonda as guides. Ann gets her glasses tangled in Jane's hair
at a Braves game, and accidently spills beer on Ted while blindly doing the
Tomahawk chop.

  18   Smith family reunion at Beech Mountain. Fred raises prices at the
Mercantile.. El nino blamed.

  23   Sylvia and Golda Swinklestein have a falling out before their annual
revue at the reunion, over who gets to wear the purple sequinned feather boa. Golda
relents when Syl promises to let her wear the Barbra Streisand costume for

  30   Tim S.'s birthday--after months of hinting that he wants the new
Scottie Pippin NIKEs,the joke is on him when Megan wraps up a fake detached
foot and  puts it in a NIKE box. When Tim comes to, he enjoys a piece of
devil's food cake with a fake fly in it. Family members agree that the
honeymoon is over for this young, impish couple.

  31   Megan S.'s birthday--she refuses to open any of her gifts until she can
take them to Cleveland Hopkins Airport and have them x-rayed. After Holding
Tim for questioning for 4 hours, Airport Security finally lets Tim go home
with the direct order to GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!


   6    Don H.'s birthday-- Ann hosts a surprise party for 200 of their
closest friends and relatives but forgets to invite the guests. They order
takeout and make it a Blockbuster Night.

   19   Kyle H. beats Tiger Woods in a Skins match. Thousands of kids around
the country begin chanting, "I am Kyle Heroman."

   31   Caiti S.'s birthday-- poor little thing is scared to open her present
after her father receives a delivery from  Toussaud's Wax Museum. Tim
complains to Megan, "Why did you have to teach her to read?"

OK, this is it until next year, unless a wave of psychic images wash over me
before then.--Madame Patricia


7    Jeanna R.'s 13th birthday-- Brother Joseph hides a dog in the attic
but things go terribly awry when the little rascal  chews up the fiberglas
insulation. After extensive vet bills, the little pup is named Pepcid AC, but
goes by Pepi, for short.

21  Geritol sponsors Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones on a world tour.
Mick breaks his hip when he trips over his walker while strutting to "What a Drag
it is Getting Old". Tour is postponed for 6 weeks due to grueling physical therapy

29    Mary and Rosie Gnandt, having found it hard to get along with
move to a condo in Delray Beach.


2     Tom S.'s birthday-- Receives a mysterious package from brother Tim;
FBI opens  it up to find a UPS uniform inside. "What a sick joke", gripes Tom.

3      Tom Smith named PostMaster General after proposing Post Office issue
"Gilligan's Island" commemorative stamp series.

11     Due to the crime rate in Miami, the area code there is changed to

23     Detroit Tigers win the World Series; el nino blamed.

30     Don Heroman named acting President of Notre Dame when Father Molloy
is transferred to Haiti after a bad endowment year. Son Wes transfers to


1     Disney lobbies to give life-long financial support to the Iowa
Septuplets if their parents will allow Disney to name them. The parents of
Alladin, Belle, Cinderella,
Mowgli, Hercules, Quasimodo and Fantasia happily agree.

7      Rolling Stones continue their "Steel Prostates" World tour, sponsored
by Geritol and  Depends undergarments.

17     Mary and Rosie Gnandt have a run in with the Condo board when they
adamantly insist that their beloved Sandy, whom they had stuffed when he
passed on 20 years ago, be allowed to stand outside their front door.

18    Mary and Rosie Gnandt move to West Palm Beach to a condo that allows

22    Bette Smith's birthday--husband Don surprises her with a multihead VCR
so she can record CNN, McNeil Lehrer hour and MSNBC simultaneously. "Now
THAT'S Must-See TV!" Bette exults.

23    Ryan Smith's first birthday--celebrates with cake and ice cream, a soft
blankie and a big smile. Tim takes pictures for his family website.

24    Don Smith's Birthday--meets good friend Jack Giannoni in a chat room on
the internet and contentedly spends the day playing cribbage. Ah, life is


1      Elizabeth Taylor weds Don King  in Las Vegas with an Elvis Look-alike
officiating. The ceremony is delayed when Don can't fit his hair through the
chapel door.

2      King/Taylor honeymoon postponed when Don King's hair sets off the
alarm in the airport  metal detector 14 times.

3      Elizabeth Taylor files for divorce from Don King citing
"Irreconcilable Hair Differences".

10    Geoff Smith's birthday-- Tom hosts a hockey theme party and invites
Mario Lemieux, Eric Lindros and Wayne Gretzky. Melee results when Lindros pushes Lemieux into the dining
room wall when the cake is served. On the way to the
cage (Geoff's room) Lindros grumbles, "It was just a check, Man!"

12     Wes dates first daughter Chelsea Clinton.

17    Patty E. receives a lotto ticket in leiu of a christmas tip from a PB
Post customer.

19    Patty E. wins  $120 million lottery. Puts in her 30 day notice at the

23   Patty finishes Christmas shopping and sends packages up north via UPS,
paying thousands of dollars extra to get them there by Christmas. "Next year I
promise I'll be done shopping by Thanksgiving!" Her kids roll their eyes,
"yeah, right,Mom."

28  Kyle H.'s birthday-- Don plans to surprise him with Titanium clubs but
Ann gets mixed up and accidently orders Plutonium  clubs instead. After a 10
minute interrogation by the CIA, FBI, and NSF they conclude Ann made an honest
mistake and help her remember where she parked her car in the parking lot.

29  Little Lauren's birthday-- Tim and Megan throw a small party for 200-300
of Lauren's closest friends. While smiling at the video camera, Lauren is
discovered by Michael Eisner, who happens to be visiting next door for Chanukkah, and is slated to star in the
next Disney non-animated movie.

31  Patty and Guy fly all the Smith's, Heroman's and Reale's To South Florida
for a New Years Eve Blowout.Wes brings Chelsea Clinton. Everyone loves it here
so much they all vow to move down here within six months.


1999 Predictions ||| Calendar

This page was added to the web site 8/1/99.











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