Pillow Talk 

(NOT by Martha Stewart)

I happened to catch some of Martha Stewart Living when I was getting my nails done one day. She was showing the viewers how to make a long roll pillow for the bed or couch.

I myself would simply go out and buy one if I wanted one, but Martha, being Martha, was hand stitching one she had painstakingly made. I could not hear the commentary since I was too far away from the TV, but I wondered why anyone would make one when there is a Walmart within a stone's throw of just about every corner in the country. I can only guess that some poor deluded person might think they could make one cheaper and derive much more personal satisfaction out of it. Weeelllll, I don't THINK so!!!

Even though this has never personally happened to me, I can attest to hidden costs that are never mentioned on these so called "self- help" shows.

First of all you have the cost of supplies, which always is higher than you expect because the fabric you can afford usually looks like something you wouldn't dress a voodoo doll in, so you splurge for more expensive designer fabric, thinking that you are already saving money by making the item yourself.

After coming home, washing it and cutting it out, you begin sewing on your Swiss sewing machine, which you paid big bucks for so you could take on home projects like these.

Things are going along swimmingly until your bobbin knots up and your fabric gets caught in the machine. Three hours later you are calling contractors to get an estimate on drywall hanging after you dig your heavy all-metal-parts sewing machine out of the hole in the wall, which, in case anyone asks, was just there when you got up that morning. Where is "Unsolved Mysteries" when you need them? That's about $300.00.

Next, you call a massage therapist to massage the muscle you pulled in your back when you "didn't" throw your machine at the wall. Another $60.00 down the tube. Now, you've spent all day on this stupid roll pillow that you would never have even thought about if you hadn't turned on your TV that day, so you have to order out for dinner. Chalk up $35.00 for 5 Chinese dinners from Fu Wah.

Now, on your way to Fu Wah, you stop at Walmart and pick up a roll pillow for $11.99. A few months later, when your husband finally notices it on your bed, you tell him you whipped it up while you were waiting in the carpool line at school that day.

This is why some people think Martha Stewart should mind her own beeswax (and not just because it is so useful in making your own scented aromatherapeutic candles). Most of us are just as happy buying things at The Country Craft Corner and passing them off as homemade. After all, why mess with a good thing? Uh oh, I feel a creative urge coming on. The Country Craft Corner flyer just came in the mail. What shall I "make" today?

Copyright, Patricia Eggertsson, 2000. All rights reserved worldwide.

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