Halloween Horror Story!
By Patricia Eggertsson

Caution: Readers may find this material shockingly "close to home"... Read at your own risk!

       A few years ago, in what can only be described as a moment of insanity, I volunteered to make not one, but TWO Power Ranger Halloween costumes. No simple task for someone who up until that time had never sewn anything more complicated than a vest. In my delirium, I let my 6 year-old son choose the pattern, which was comprised of several yards of satin and gold lame, not the exactly user-friendly fabrics for an amateur seamstress like me. But I forged ahead and to make a long story short, here is how it played out:

      Number of trips to JoAnn Fabrics—5

      Number of trips to JoAnn Fabrics that involved buying the wrong materials—4

      Number of dollars spent on materials--$179.80

      Number of dollars a costume cost at Walmart-- $6.00

      Number of pins I can fit in my mouth without hurting myself—9

      Number of Kleenex needed to stop bleeding lips—4

      Number of times I pinned the pattern to the wrong side of the fabric—2

      Number of Fig Newtons I stuffed in my mouth to keep from screaming expletives—7

      Number of trips made to the bathroom in one day due to Fig Newton Cuss Therapy—5

      Number of times I asked my son, “Are you sure you don’t want to be a ghost?”—15

      Number of times I sent subliminal messages to my girlfriend to “sit on it!” after she told me for the umpteenth time that something didn't "look quite right"—8

      Number of sewing machine needles broken—3

      Number of pins left in costume—5

     Number of pin pricks felt by my son while trying on the costume—1,031

    Number of m&m’s and Hershey’s Kisses consumed during marathon sewing sessions—6,497,874

    Number of bottles of Philips Milk of Magnesia consumed during marathon sewing sessions—3

    Number of meals cooked during the week before Halloween—1

    Number of hours slept at night during week before Halloween—1hour, 14 minutes, including 12 minutes when I fell asleep in the bathroom

    Number of pictures left on the roll of film in the camera which I bought specifically to take pictures of my son in his costume—0

   Number of pictures on the roll of film of inanimate objects in our house, such as lamps, beds, and slippers—36

   Number of minutes trick or treating before the words, “This is too hot and itchy!” were uttered—7

   Number of blocks I walked carrying a gold lame quilted chest shield and intricately designed costume hood while my son walked around in an unidentifiable green jumpsuit with everyone saying “Oh, look! The jolly green midget!”—6

  Number of times I begged my husband to back the car over me if I ever volunteered to do this again—4

  Number of hugs my son gave me at bedtime—9

  Number of hours my son wore the costume when playing by himself or with friends after Halloween—2000 and counting

  The numerical probability of putting myself or my family through a month like this again—1%

  The joy I got out of watching my son’s face light up as he strutted around dressed as his favorite hero—Immeasurable

   Will I ever do that again? Probably not. Was it worth it for the smiles and hugs bestowed upon me? Definitely. Am I a sucker for that little guy? Absolutely!

Happy Haunting!

By Patricia Eggertsson
Copyright 1999


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