Suelene's Eggspert Advice
A Big Country Welcome!
Got problums? Don't y'all worry, cuz SUELENE'S here!
This here photo wuz takn in my offis. Crabby (of "Dear Crabby" fame) told me not to put my pitcher up here, do to stalkers'n'such, so I'm trustin' y'all to exersize sum self cuntrol, got it? Else I'll send my killer rooster out to yer place, and y'all are gonna wish ya hadn't oughta stalked ol' SUELENE. Take that as the rooster-peckin' thret that it is.
Lets git on with the dispensin' of advice!!
Deer Suelene,Ahm a ritin' tuday on acownt a Ah gots me in wun heck uv a pikul. Mah gurlfrend, weel cawl hur DonnaJo on acownt uf Ah dont want no wun to no Ahm tawkin bout mah reel gurlfrend BubbaSue Pickens (thay cawl her BubbaSue Pickens on acownt uf thats hur reel name whut she was borned with). Anyways,mah gurlfrend DonnaJo (thats BubbaSue Pickens fer reel) has becum a edukashun snob. She will only date boys with a fifth grade diploma evun tho she knows durn well Ah caint git past thurd grade since mah unforchunit "chicken in the combine" axident uv 1990. I truly luv this gurl DonnaJo (thats Bubba Sue Pickens fer reel) and think its unfare that she won't evun giv me-- her cuzin Stucky Pickens (thats me fer reel)-- a chans. How kin Ah chainj hur mind bout me (Stucky Pickens fer reel)?Signd: Anonemus (on acownt uf Ah dont wancha ta knowed hoo Ah is, Stucky Pickens fer reel)
Deer Stucky (I'd no you anywair, you iddyut),Yer dummer then durt and twise as ugly. No gurl on God's green urth is gonna date a turky what gots a plate in his haid from playing blinds mans bluff with a chikun in a corn field whilst hiz pappy dun be plowin with two glass eyes and a hook fer a hand (Whut is WITH yer family and all them unforchunate farm equipment axidents?)Anyhoose,aint no way BubbaSue gon date you so give it up and find yerself whut us edjacated people call a contemporary. Try the yeller pajes,Stucky (I mean Anonemus). Look under "blonds".Huhuhuhuhuh! Thats a goodun! Ah crack mahself up!
That's enuf advice dispensin' fer wun day! I got chores to do, dadgummit! Chek back, y'all! Thairs lots mor good advice whair this come from. But don't you stalkers be comin' back just to gaze at my pitcher! Lessun y'all gots some money and a fancy condo and automobeel, that is. --- Suelene
Oh, yer not gun beleve this--Stucky jest writ anuthr letter. Click here if'n y'all wanna read more o' his drivl! I swair if'n he had wun thurd of a brane he'd be dangerus. Axshully, he IS dangerus, speshly 'round farm ekwipment!
Call 333-3333 (in a emerjensy, that is. Not fer a date er nuthin like that).
Ah caint fergit to thank "Dear Crabby", mah scarry cuzin, fer her patiens and gydanse in learnin' me to be a hillbillys advice colum writter, and fer the link from her page (evn thow I had to PAY fer that). Did I menshun she's my OLDER cuzin? Huhuhuhuhuh! Thats a goodun! Ah crack mahself up!
This picture posted here so's y'all don't haf ta skroll back up to gaze at it. (Kunvenient feetcher, dontcha agree?) It's just like me to be cunsiderit of my fellow MAN. (Married er not)
Oh, and anuther thang...Miss Patty done wrote this with me, and we need y'all to no it's copyright 2000.
And she wants y'all to sign her danged guest book alreddy!
Do I have to send my killer rooster over thair, er WHUT?
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This here page wuz put on this here web site 5/29/2000.
Why dont y'all share it with someun?
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